Chemistry is tricky. You need it to make a romantic relationship work, absolutely. However, when it is too strong, especially right away, it can blind you from determining whether or not there is enough compatibility between the two of you.

Many years ago, I met this super good-looking guy from LA. He was in Asheville working as an assistant director for the film The Hunger Games. We had instant chemistry. Sparks everywhere!

Our dates were over-the-top romantic: dinners, trips to Hot Springs, North Carolina and Palm Springs, California. I got totally swept off my feet.

However, after the trip to Palm Springs, I had this uncomfortable feeling in my gut. He was very focused on his career, and I could tell he didn’t really see a place for me in his future. Plus, in reality, we had very little in common.

Even though I knew it wasn’t going to work out, I grieved the end of the relationship.

What could I have done differently?

I could have tapped the brakes, slowed things down, and assessed for compatibility before allowing myself to be swept away.

This is what I suggest you do, as well.

Tips to avoid bonding to someone before you know if you are compatible:

Don’t kiss for the first few dates. This is especially true for you, women. Once that oxytocin hormone, the “cuddle and connect” hormone, kicks in, it can be hard not to attach to a guy.

Absolutely do not have s*x with someone until you are sure you want to have a long-term relationship with them.

Ask the deeper questions:

“What do you see your life looking like five years from now?”

“What are your must-haves and can’t-stands in a relationship?”

“What does harmony in a relationship look like to you?”

Then, over time, watch to see if their actions and words align.

It takes patience to slow a relationship down, but the reward of being able to stay clear-minded and avoid heartache is worth it.

Here’s to you finding the love your heart longs for.

Warmly,
Deb

www.drdebbarnett.com